Monday 16 August 2010

And with these thoughts, temptation enters.

Weigh day today and its as expected, I have officially put on weight. A whole 4lb to be exact and I am ruddy gutted.

I knew I would, because it’s that time of the month and on average over the last two months I have put on 3lb on this certain week. But it’s come at the wrong week this month and it has really had an effect on my mind. For the first time in the last two months of doing this diet, I have thought I can’t be bothered and basically questioned if it’s all worth it. And with these thoughts, temptation enters.



It all started last Monday when I weighed myself, I needed to lose 3lb to make my total weight loss of 28lb (2 stone) but I only lost 2lb. OK, ok two lb loss in a week is not bad. But to reach that 2 stone loss would have been fab and a real confidence boost.

OK I thought it will be gone by Thursday. Just in time for Auntie Flo to visit and I can cope with the extra weight gain associated with her visit if I can see the two stone gone before hand. But oh no…I didn’t lose any weight on Thursday and so started the four days of the self destruction and feeling sorry for myself mode.



Thursday, I told Clive to bring fish and chips home from work, Friday, I brought a bottle of wine and drank it all, Saturday I went to a friends BBQ and basically ate everything in sight and drank around 3000 cal’s in drink, Sunday we went out for dinner and had a large glass of red and the biggest bowl of apple pie and ice-cream you have ever seen.

And now I feel like an alcoholic or drug addict who has just fell of the wagon and all that hard work is ruined!! I feel, fat, sluggish, unhealthy and very very guilty. Of course seeing the weight put back on is only my punishment and I have to take it. I looked in my little book this morning and that 4 lb took three weeks to come off and I put it on in three days. Some of its Flo, but the bulk of it will be due to my silliness and I deserve everything I get.



On a positive note thou, it has done me a favour. I woke up this morning feeling very determined to get that two stone loss and the next two stone gone as well. Nothing is going to get in my way again and if I have a bad patch it is only temporary and I will ride it out. I can’t risk putting everything I have done and all that hard work in jeopardy. There is no way that I am EVER going back to 17 stone, no way on God’s earth.

Sunday 8 August 2010

No I am not dead........

No im not dead, im still here and happy to say slightly thinner or should I say lighter. Even thou I haven't dropped a dress size yet. That little gem has slightly eluded me so far and is the cause of much disappointment.


But 27lbs weight loss so far in two months is not bad and I cant help feeling chuffed with myself. Its all going so well, I keep thinking it will all come to a sudden stop soon and my body will say,. No more loss, I like being fat, cuddly, curvy whatever you want to call it. But then on the other hand, I do think wow I can do this, I can be thinner, I can shop where I want, buy what I want and when and I don't have to wear what some plus size fashion designer, thinks bigger women look good in. This in my opinion is a brightly coloured tent with no shape and about as much finesse has a sumo wrestler!!



OK OK, now I am sounding slightly snobby. Girl get off your horse, you have only lost two stone from a very huge amount to lose and you are already thinking you have a right criticise plus size clothing, its been good enough for you for the last 15 years!!...But it’s not that at all, for years I have been one of these people shopping in these shops, not really thinking just resigning myself to the fact that this is where I shop and these are the types of clothes I buy. But just by even thinking of my weight, the way I live, my lifestyle, the type of clothes I buy, it’s opened my eyes up to it all really. And just picking up a fashion mag or looking at the latest catwalk creations has really opened my eyes and is spurring me on. For the past 15 years I have been buying clothes on autopilot. First it was Etams, and then they closed down. Then it was new look Inspire, which at the time was completely amazing. They opened a huge store in Weymouth (New Look's head office is in Weymouth) and on the top floor they had the new Inspire range, it was well cool. The clothes were so hip and fashionable it was great. but slowly over the years is has been declining and now the only place I can get Inspire stuff is in Walsall and even that is getting smaller and smaller. And of course that only leaves Evans, the fat person's ultimate store. Don’t get me wrong there are some nice clothes in there, but they are over priced and most of the staff are rude. Apart from the Poole store, whose staff are always friendly and the store in Oh God I forgot the name of it now err, well it’s in Cornwall. I will think of it and let you all know. Now those two girls were great and so helpful and friendly.



A month ago, I brought a Jasper Conran dress from Debenhams. Size 18, it is beautiful. Its called salt and pepper, basically it’s grey with speckles of white and black running though it. But the difference with this dress compared to all my others is this one is fitted, it has shape. It is meant to fall over and accentuate places where as my other dresses are made to hide them.

My goal is to get into that dress for Christmas day. And by Jove I am going to do it.