Monday 16 August 2010

And with these thoughts, temptation enters.

Weigh day today and its as expected, I have officially put on weight. A whole 4lb to be exact and I am ruddy gutted.

I knew I would, because it’s that time of the month and on average over the last two months I have put on 3lb on this certain week. But it’s come at the wrong week this month and it has really had an effect on my mind. For the first time in the last two months of doing this diet, I have thought I can’t be bothered and basically questioned if it’s all worth it. And with these thoughts, temptation enters.



It all started last Monday when I weighed myself, I needed to lose 3lb to make my total weight loss of 28lb (2 stone) but I only lost 2lb. OK, ok two lb loss in a week is not bad. But to reach that 2 stone loss would have been fab and a real confidence boost.

OK I thought it will be gone by Thursday. Just in time for Auntie Flo to visit and I can cope with the extra weight gain associated with her visit if I can see the two stone gone before hand. But oh no…I didn’t lose any weight on Thursday and so started the four days of the self destruction and feeling sorry for myself mode.



Thursday, I told Clive to bring fish and chips home from work, Friday, I brought a bottle of wine and drank it all, Saturday I went to a friends BBQ and basically ate everything in sight and drank around 3000 cal’s in drink, Sunday we went out for dinner and had a large glass of red and the biggest bowl of apple pie and ice-cream you have ever seen.

And now I feel like an alcoholic or drug addict who has just fell of the wagon and all that hard work is ruined!! I feel, fat, sluggish, unhealthy and very very guilty. Of course seeing the weight put back on is only my punishment and I have to take it. I looked in my little book this morning and that 4 lb took three weeks to come off and I put it on in three days. Some of its Flo, but the bulk of it will be due to my silliness and I deserve everything I get.



On a positive note thou, it has done me a favour. I woke up this morning feeling very determined to get that two stone loss and the next two stone gone as well. Nothing is going to get in my way again and if I have a bad patch it is only temporary and I will ride it out. I can’t risk putting everything I have done and all that hard work in jeopardy. There is no way that I am EVER going back to 17 stone, no way on God’s earth.

Sunday 8 August 2010

No I am not dead........

No im not dead, im still here and happy to say slightly thinner or should I say lighter. Even thou I haven't dropped a dress size yet. That little gem has slightly eluded me so far and is the cause of much disappointment.


But 27lbs weight loss so far in two months is not bad and I cant help feeling chuffed with myself. Its all going so well, I keep thinking it will all come to a sudden stop soon and my body will say,. No more loss, I like being fat, cuddly, curvy whatever you want to call it. But then on the other hand, I do think wow I can do this, I can be thinner, I can shop where I want, buy what I want and when and I don't have to wear what some plus size fashion designer, thinks bigger women look good in. This in my opinion is a brightly coloured tent with no shape and about as much finesse has a sumo wrestler!!



OK OK, now I am sounding slightly snobby. Girl get off your horse, you have only lost two stone from a very huge amount to lose and you are already thinking you have a right criticise plus size clothing, its been good enough for you for the last 15 years!!...But it’s not that at all, for years I have been one of these people shopping in these shops, not really thinking just resigning myself to the fact that this is where I shop and these are the types of clothes I buy. But just by even thinking of my weight, the way I live, my lifestyle, the type of clothes I buy, it’s opened my eyes up to it all really. And just picking up a fashion mag or looking at the latest catwalk creations has really opened my eyes and is spurring me on. For the past 15 years I have been buying clothes on autopilot. First it was Etams, and then they closed down. Then it was new look Inspire, which at the time was completely amazing. They opened a huge store in Weymouth (New Look's head office is in Weymouth) and on the top floor they had the new Inspire range, it was well cool. The clothes were so hip and fashionable it was great. but slowly over the years is has been declining and now the only place I can get Inspire stuff is in Walsall and even that is getting smaller and smaller. And of course that only leaves Evans, the fat person's ultimate store. Don’t get me wrong there are some nice clothes in there, but they are over priced and most of the staff are rude. Apart from the Poole store, whose staff are always friendly and the store in Oh God I forgot the name of it now err, well it’s in Cornwall. I will think of it and let you all know. Now those two girls were great and so helpful and friendly.



A month ago, I brought a Jasper Conran dress from Debenhams. Size 18, it is beautiful. Its called salt and pepper, basically it’s grey with speckles of white and black running though it. But the difference with this dress compared to all my others is this one is fitted, it has shape. It is meant to fall over and accentuate places where as my other dresses are made to hide them.

My goal is to get into that dress for Christmas day. And by Jove I am going to do it.

Saturday 12 June 2010

NO, lead me away from the pub PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Sorry haven't blogged for a few days, Thursday I was completely shattered by bed time and yesterday I drove up to the Midlands, so I could see my Nanny in hospital who is not at all well. I hate driving at the best of times, but since having ME it is like climbing mount Everest, driving 180 mile back home and I try to avoid it at all costs. But I knew having the car, would be invaluable up here so a 3 hour journey took twice as long, but at least i'm here. I will worry about the journey home, when I cross that bridge.

Anyway on to the diet, After my very very naughty meal out on Wednesday night, I weighed myself on the Thursday morning and I put on 2lb overnight...YES 2LB...OMG!!!!!
Now I did promise myself that I wasn't going to weigh myself every five mins, but I just wanted to see, how much in fact a heavy, high calorific meal would impact my weight. And to be frank I was horrified by that. All these years of meals out and heavy, high piled on plate meals its a wonder I am not 35 stone let alone 17.11. Just goes to show really, living in ignorance is not the best option, especially where your weight is concerned.

I cant really say I feel any better being on this diet, I cant say my energy levels have improved or I can run up the stairs, without getting so puffed out, because of the fibro and ME really. My energy levels are very low and weight loss isn't going to change that. Weight loss isn't going to help the pain I experience everyday. But I am hoping that a better diet may help and when I am better (we live in hope) I will be nice and thin to jump around town and enjoy clothes shopping again, bowling, dancing and such like.

So anyways, I am not going to list all the food, I have eaten over three days..one, its very hard typing on my little net book, I bring away with me and secondly I don't think you would really want to read it and would be thoroughly bored by knowing what had been swishing round my internal tracts for the last 48 hours!!
But I will list the calories consumed, just really for my benefit.

Thursday......1217
Friday....... 1177

Not bad, I should have 1500 a day. I am trying to have a little less for the rest of the week, just to make up for Wednesday really.

Just a little snippet of information I have just found out, while researching the calories in a pint of cider (which I did participate in last night..only 1 thou)..

With 7 calories per gram, the number of calories in alcohol is second only after fat (9 cals/g).

The calories in alcohol are metabolised first by the body, ahead of burning fat - which is not desirable if on a weight loss diet.   (Taken direct from nutra check, weight loss.. website.)

239 calories in a pint of strongbow..WOW. Keep me away from the pub, that's what I say.

Thursday 10 June 2010

Great meal, bad news!!!

Going to keep it short tonight. I had a fab night, great food and fab company. I tried to be good, honest! But failed miserably. I think the trio of creme bulee had 1000 cals each in them and I don't think the sticky chardonnay was by weight watchers. But for 40 quid each, it was amazing. My friend even took a picture of the starters because they were so amazing.




Then I cam home to bad news, that they think my Nanny has had a heart attack and a stroke during her knee replacement on Monday. Dad isnt holding out much hope for her. But she is a strong old ox and hopefully will pull thou. I will keep you posted.





Granola, treacle and pecan with ww yogurt... 146
Apple bar....98
Prawn salad with balsomic dressing... 192
Apple... 60
Snack a jacks.... 98
Prawn trio
Streak, rosti and spinich
Trio of creme bulee
Small sticky chardonnay
2 x Corona

= 1,000,000,000 cals.

Tuesday 8 June 2010

Chocolate gone for a Burton!!!

Day two, and I am feeling just dandy. Quite bad heartburn from all the fruit and running to loo every half hour is getting quite tiresome.  Fed up of water already thou, its so dam boring but I am trying to drink lots honestly and I do know its good for me. I have never really been a water drinker, I mean not one of those people you see walking around with a bottle of water in their hand or handbag. For one its really expensive bottled water, two it gets really warm and I hate warm water and thirdly I never think about it. I guess the latter is the real reason I don't do it. But of course that is going to change now..(imagine big sulky face).

It dawned on me last night, when I was getting ready for bed, that in last nights blog I put my weight down in black and white for all to see. I would never have done that before, I hate it when I have to go the asthma clinic at the hospital every six months and the little volunteer lady, takes my weight down on  her little chart, before ushering me into the breathing room. I never look to see what it is, and I swear she tuts, while she writes it down. I felt a little embarrassed really when I thought I had given my little secret away last night, but I guess subconsciously I wanted to do it, I have nothing to hide now..when at rock bottom the only way is up I guess. And anyway, I think I probably deserve a little embarrassment.. getting to 17 stone 11 at 34 is not good news really and its about time it changed.

Today I threw away all traces of chocolate out of the house, and it felt good. But it was really an easy thing to do, as I have never really been that into chocolate. OK I buy it at certain times of the month when I am ready to kill someone, but other then that..its not really my bag as my husband would say. Now crisps are a different story..oh I could sit and eat a share size bag of crisps all by myself and yes I often do.err that should be did. I become very protective over my bag of crisps and woe be tide anyone who tries to pinch one..they are in danger of having their fingers squashed in my hands. And no I haven't had the courage to throw away the bag of chili Doritos I have hidden. In fact I might actually save them as a sign of my willpower and determination to this diet. I still have 20 Berkeley menthol in the draw from when I gave up smoking 4 years ago, I get them out occasionally to congratulate myself on my huge achievement and to have a smell of the nicotine and menthol aroma, but then they go back for the next time and I forget about it again.

Tomorrow will be a big day for me, I am going out to dinner with some girlie friends, and I just adore the restaurant we are going to. The deserts are amazing and the martini's even better. I might treat myself to a martini but the dessert is a no no, and I must be good. Keep thinking of that dress Gina!!!!





Food today,
treacle and pecan granola.....246
Red pepper and goats cheese soup, 1 slice of bread.....240
plum, grapes, apple.... 176
Salmon and veggie bake and stir fry veggies with balsamic vinegar..... 350
Dietchef strawberry milkshake..... 225
Berry biscuits.....86

Total...... 1343

Monday 7 June 2010

D DAY!!

Start weight.. 17stone 11lbs.
Ok today is the day, the first day of the rest of my life. The start of my journey, the new inner or should that be thinner, me.
The breakfast eating, fruit and veg eating, green tea and water drinking, me!!
One day and one pound nearer to my Jasper Conran couture dress, me!!
I have decided to try the dietchef diet, they send you all your food in easy pop in the microwave pouchs and all you add is fruit and veg. Not cheap at £210 a month for the dietchef 1500, but easy and quick and hoping easy to follow.
Having ME and fibro, I find it difficult to cook, so we have really lived the last 18 months on take aways and ready made meals, dont get me wrong..I was a big girl to start with..but being ill certainly hasnt helped and I guess (im guessing as me and scales dont tend to get on) I have put on 3 stones since becoming ill.

Anyway.. breakfast... treacle and pecan granola with WW lemon and lime yogurt.. 146 cals
Lunch (dinner)...Minestrone soup and one slice of wholemeal bread.. 225cals
Dinner (tea)... Coq au vin and veggies.. 384cals
Snacks... Tomato snacks, 1 plum.. 202cals
Grand  total... 957 cals.
2 x green tea and three glasses of water.

OK, I am thinking the Cals should be higher, according to the DCwebsite, I should be on nearer 1500 then 1000 cals aday but apart from a fruit snack I have missed out, that is pretty much to the letter of the diet manual so to speak. Mmmm will have to see how that one pans out I recon.
I have never been on a Calorie controlled diet before, I have done WW and SW but never CC..so it is all new territory to me and I guess I will be learning fast, when my tummy starts rumbling!!

So at the end of day one, I feel slighty hungry (I think thats because my mind is shouting out. arrgghhh i'm on a diet, give me chips, give me chips) but I dont feel like I have missed out on anything in perticular. I'm going to the loo every five mins (drinking water), have chronic heartburn (acid from fruit) and wind..(yes I know)  but other then that its all good.
Well if things carry on like this, we may well just be OK.
Here's to day two!!

NO mind, we don't need chips...GO AWAY!!!!!